I went to the doctor earlier this week to discuss my upcoming surgery. My doctor explained the whole laparoscopic procedure to me. They'll make a little incision under my belly button for the scope, and another small incision on each side of my abdomen for the steak knife and tongs. They'll pump my tummy full of gas so I'm uncomfortable and bloated for weeks to come. Honestly, she said something about having to fill my tummy with gas so they could move their instruments around and see everything, but I'm not sure I believe her. They'll use the kitchen implements to snip out my ovary and the nasty dermoid and then they'll pull it out of my abdomen alien-style. She told me I'd get to go home the same day and would have a one week recovery.
I asked her if she could do a little liposuction while she's in there. You know, suck out some fat, do a little tummy tuck, maybe remove my stupid tattoo... She laughed. I think she thought I was kidding.
Then I asked her my number one question. "Please tell me you can do this surgery without general anesthesia!" She told me, "No".
"What do you mean No?!", I asked. "You do c-sections without general anesthesia! Why is this any different?" I started hyper-ventilating at the thought of having to have general anesthesia.
She explained that during laparoscopic surgery, they'd be filling my abdomen with gas and they couldn't have me numbed from the diaphragm down or I wouldn't be able to breath properly. But she offered me some hope. "We can do the surgery without general anesthesia, but we can't do it laparoscopically. I'd have to make a larger incision across your abdomen and you'd have a two night stay in the hospital and a six week recovery."
Now most normal people wouldn't even consider having the surgery the old-fashioned way. But me? I thought that was the better alternative by far. I mean, six weeks of pain is nothing compared to six hours of throwing up from the anesthesia. I'll take the pain over the vomiting any day of the week! And a two night stay in the hospital? Hello? That's called a vacation! But unfortunately, I don't think I can get someone to help out with my kids for a couple weeks while I'm recovering.
Sooo, I have the number for the anesthesiologist. My doctor encouraged me to have a consult with him before my surgery. But I know what's going to happen. He'll promise to give me top-of-the-line, heavy-duty, anti-nausea drugs. He'll swear I won't get sick this time. He'll assure me he'll take care of me so I don't get violently ill. In other words, he'll lie. And after my surgery, when I'm forcefully expelling my intestines into the ridiculously small barf tray they give you, he'll ask if he can include me in his article about weird anesthesia reactions.
I really can't decide which way to go. That's how much I abhor throwing up. I detest it! It's the worst thing in the world. I would absolutely rather have more pain for longer than to vomit even once. I know that probably sounds crazy to 99.9% of you, but that's where I stand. :(