Today is Julian's funeral and I just have to share another word about him. I think Mimi just has this way of drawing us in. She has not only told us about the day to day care of Julian, his treatments and tests, but she has shared her feelings. She's been brutally honest about how hard it's been for them. She somehow makes it real for us as readers. Although outsiders, we feel as though we personally know Julian. As though we're part of his world. But most importantly, Mimi always seems to find the positive. Despite the fact that her baby was just taken from her at a much-too-young-age, Mimi continues to trust in God, thanking Him for the time with Julian, thanking Him for getting her through these days, and trusting that Julian is in His care and she'll see him again one day. How inspiring is that?
Although Mimi's updates bring me to tears, they also inspire me. Hug your kids and say a prayer for all those little ones who are hurting, suffering from cancer and other illnesses.
"She crumbles on to the bathroom floor, an unbelievable pain in her chest... What just happened? She is bleeding. She places her shaky hands on her heart ,expecting to feel blood flowing through her fingers. She looked down at them , NOTHING... The hole in her heart, the incredible pain, the deep sense of drifting away, it was all about HIS death... She is hurting beyond words...How can she explain? No one understands. Alone, on her bathroom floor, she is lost... Never will she hold him too tight again, never again will she kiss his mouth, never will she feel the weight of his little bald head on her chest and never will she have the taste of his tears on her lips... "I want him back" She cries desperately "I want him back, PLEASE GOD" She gets up and gets in the shower, lets the burning hot water run on her face. Maybe it will wash away the tears, maybe even it will take care of the cruel pain ...Maybe when she is done, things will be fixed and will be back to normal... She gets dressed, looks at herself in the mirror and thinks "who is this person? " Dark circles, a few more wrinkles, red, swollen eyes... It didn't go away, this is our normal from now on, our normal life now is us without him... Out the door, she hears the laughter of her boys. One is missing... But they are laughing still... If they can laugh, why couldn't she? If they can play and smile, she can still hug and love them, forever , because she is their mother , simply because they are part of her just as he was, just as he still is... By the grace of God, She still smiles, by the grace of God, she will keep on. The bathroom floor will still be her refuge, but as long as the laughter rings behind the door, she will always get back up..."